There’s some cool services that can take a heap ’o stress off the bride. Many of them are in Boston, but they may be worth traveling for.

Some of the neatest things I’ve heard of lately:

n Seams (978 473-3398) – This company will alter a vintage or family gown to fit you, and, from all accounts, make it you look fabulous.

n Perfectly Noted (info@perfectlynoted.com) – Okay, this is a little sketchy in the world of all things bridal, and I’d never (publicly) recommend it, but if you were, for example, wantyourthankyoucardswrittenforyou, these guys will do it.

n A fun money saver – Buy your flowers in bulk – think the local grocery store – and float a flower in a mason jar filled with water for a centerpiece.

n Modern Pinup (modernpinup@gmail.com) – They’ll paint your lingerie on for a naughty wedding-night surprise.

There’s a lot going on in the wonderful world of weddings right now – fashion shows, new bridal bag designs and lots of neat ideas for making your wedding just a little bit funky.

Then there’s some not-so-cool stuff – wedding gift theft. Apparently it’s all the rage at weddings. ABC’s local news affiliate in New York had a story about a couple that lost most of their wedding presents that way.

It often starts with a wedding crasher. Not the riotous Owen Wilson kind, but a smooth-talking crasher who claims to be a friend of the bride, or the groom, or the date of a third cousin once removed. The thing about weddings – most people don’t want to be there, so no one can imagine breaking in to the wedding. Sneaking off early, yes. But sneaking in, no.

But there is an ulterior motive, and it’s not to hook up with a bridesmaid. Quite often these crashers make off with the gifts, especially the cards, which contain untraceable cash.

I did a little research, and there are a few things you can do to try to keep your presents safe. Even if you’re not all about the gifts, it’s a downer to know a thief nibbled on your teriyaki kabobs at $45 a head.

n Register for gifts. And make the registry aware that you prefer all gifts to be mailed to your home. What doesn’t go to the wedding can’t be stolen from the wedding.

n Break etiquette. Talk about presents. As in, make your guests aware that you prefer they don’t bring presents to the wedding. Ask them to mail gifts to your home. If you’re uncomfortable with that, ask your mom and other family members to spread the word. That’s what bridesmaids are for.

n Also, be rude. If you spot a wedding crasher, don’t ignore them. Kick them out or ask your reception coordinator to do so.

n Have a trusted friend man the gifts – and squirrel them away to a locked room. Usually the bride has a dressing room at the reception. This is also a great place to store gifts.

n If you absolutely must tempt fate and go with a gift table, keep it as far away from the door as possible.

Despite what you think, your wedding is not about you.

Never mind that you’re the bride. Never mind that without your courageous decision to take the plunge, there would be no wedding. Never mind that you’re the one footing the bill.

Your wedding has absolutely nothing to do with you.

An article in the New York Times recently brought this truism home to me. It concerned whether leaving the “and guest” off the invitation was an okay thing to do. Many invited guests felt they need to bring a partner to a wedding to enjoy the day. Even if they’re not cohabitating, engaged or even dating someone. One woman went so far as to say that any couple older than 35 should cough up the extra $75 for the guest – because, obviously, they’re settled now.

The Times reporter discovered in this case, tradition and etiquette are dictated by financial health.

Call us late bloomers, but I’m not rich, even though I’m closer to 35 than I’d like to admit, and Ed has cleared that hurdle. And I’d like to point out that it’s not just $75; it’s an extra $75 times 50.

I, for one, don’t believe I should have to invite people I’ve never met to my wedding. I will invite spouses, serious relationships, etc. – in short, people I’ve likely seen at some family party at least once.

I am sensitive to the needs of the single guest. I will seat them with like-minded people, spend some time introducing them around and do everything I can to make them comfortable, but inviting their friends? I just can’t afford it.

Watch out for the all-inclusive wedding. It usually includes a hefty profit for the event company, as well. In fact, as I noted in my previous post, Ed and I looked into an all-inclusive at a Maine inn.

Thankfully, the salesperson I talked to wasn’t out to nab my firstborn child. She told me frankly that I’d be better off choosing a DJ and cake separately, rather than shooting for the all-inclusive price.

Since it is Halloween, and the season for all things scary, here’s a basic breakdown of the price for you:

$3,000 for the inn + $55 per head (150 heads) + $1,000 for the DJ + $1,000 for the cake =  $13,250

All-inclusive $250 A HEAD x 150 heads = $37,500.

I know. It cost me less to go to college.

Also of interest, The Boston Globe reported that the Seaport Hotel will be offering green weddings soon – think green as in environmentally conscious and green as in a lot of money; the weddings will likely cost 20-30 percent more than the average wedding at the hotel.

However, if going eco-friendly is a top priority for your wedding, the Seaport will offer, energy-efficient lighting, soy candles, an organic menu and a machine that will liquefy the leftovers and flush them down the drain, reducing the amount of trash to be hauled to the landfill.

Think again. At least if you’re a Brit. According to The Telegraph (in the UK, not Nashua) bridal balls are all the rage. Women are given the opportunity to dress up in their wedding gowns on more time for a fee, the proceeds of which go to charity. Brides for a day . . . again.

Says a reporter who wrote about the trend “It's like being on safari, anticipating a sighting of one rare beast and suddenly stumbling across an entire herd.”

It was another madcap wedding weekend, in which Ed and I raced from venue to venue trying to find the perfect wedding site.

We started at an inn in York, Maine. But although prices for meals started at $35 a head, we had to guarantee a $57 per head meal for them to reserve the inn for us. To top it off, there was a facility fee, no discounts on rooms at the inn for wedding guests and they would only hold the wedding after Columbus Day. While the inn was beautiful, we were leery about the number of restrictions they wanted to put on it, so we decided the inn was a no-go.

Next was a cruise line out of Portland, Maine. Portland is a really neat city with a lot going on, so I had visions of a great wedding weekend, packed with bar-hopping, spas and fine dining. The boat itself was a tad rundown, but we had high hopes, since the boat cruises to an island for a clambake. How fun and New England is that.

Well, the distance from the pier to the reception site was about five miles, uphill both ways. Not really, but for my family – we’re a stout people, not given much to exercise and completely given over to food – it would certainly seem like hiking Kilimanjaro. Too bad. It looked like a lot of fun.

But on the way back to the pier, we passed a neat little inn on the island. We just popped in and lo and behold, they were setting up for an event. We got to see the tent, complete with lights and tables and chairs, ready to go. Even better, the inn uses a booking agency which offers an all-inclusive deal. That’s the DJ, wedding cake, venue, food, tables, chairs, linens, waitstaff, etc. for one price. I don’t know what that price is yet, I’m waiting to hear back, so I’ll let you know in my next post if the all-inclusive offers a good deal.

Ed and I then grabbed some dinner in Portland in a neat Irish pub. I loved it so much, I asked if they did functions – and they did! For up to 200 on a Saturday night. Even better, they have live music beginning at 9:30 p.m. So I can have a mid-afternoon wedding, feed everyone, do some dancing and then those who wish to keep the party going can join the rest of the pub for the night.

Never underestimate the power of asking. The places Ed and I had booked to see ended up not working out, but places we saw in our travels are strong possibilities. Usually if you stop in and ask, people are friendly and willing to take a minute to give you the information. If they’re not, then you don’t want to hold your wedding there.

It was another madcap wedding weekend, in which Ed and I raced from venue to venue trying to find the perfect wedding site.

We started at an inn in York, Maine. But although prices for meals started at $35 a head, we had to guarantee a $57 per head meal for them to reserve the inn for us. To top it off, there was a facility fee, no discounts on rooms at the inn for wedding guests and they would only hold the wedding after Columbus Day. While the inn was beautiful, we were leery about the number of restrictions they wanted to put on it, so we decided the inn was a no-go.

Next was a cruise line out of Portland, Maine. Portland is a really neat city with a lot going on, so I had visions of a great wedding weekend, packed with bar-hopping, spas and fine dining. The boat itself was a tad rundown, but we had high hopes, since the boat cruises to an island for a clambake. How fun and New England is that.

Well, the distance from the pier to the reception site was about five miles, uphill both ways. Not really, but for my family – we’re a stout people, not given much to exercise and completely given over to food – it would certainly seem like hiking Kilamanjaro. Too bad. It looked like a lot of fun.

But on the way back to the pier, we passed a neat little inn on the island. We just popped in and lo and behold, they were setting up for an event. We got to see the tent, complete with lights and tables and chairs, ready to go. Even better, the inn uses a booking agency which offers an all-inclusive deal. That’s the DJ, wedding cake, venue, food, tables, chairs, linens, waitstaff, etc. for one price. I don’t know what that price is yet, I’m waiting to hear back, so I’ll let you know in my next post if the all-inclusive offers a good deal.

Ed and I then grabbed some dinner in Portland in a neat Irish pub. I loved it so much, I asked if they did functions – and they did! For up to 200 on a Saturday night. Even better, they have live music beginning at 9:30 p.m. So I can have a mid-afternoon wedding, feed everyone, do some dancing and then those who wish to keep the party going can join the rest of the pub for the night.

Never underestimate the power of asking. The places Ed and I had booked to see ended up not working out, but places we saw in our travels are strong possibilities. Usually if you stop in and ask, people are friendly and willing to take a minute to give you the information. If they’re not, then you don’t want to hold your wedding there.

While the actual wedding invitations tend to formal affairs, there’s no problem having fun with a save the date announcement.

If you’re doing anything unusual for your wedding – for example, I’m hoping to be able to create an informal “wedding weekend” – then it’s a good idea to send out a save the date card. It lets your guests plan for time off, get childcare and make reservations for flights and hotels. If you’re planning a wedding around a holiday, the save the date notice may also help family and friends know what other holiday invitations they can accept.

The save the date notices go out about four months before the wedding, two months before the wedding invitations. But if you’re planning something big, like getting married on camel-back in the Sahara Desert, you may want to give your guests even a little more notice.

Some fun ideas I’ve come across:

n At designhergal.com, you can design caricatures of you and your fiancé for your cards. Figure roughly $1 per card. And a portion of the proceeds go to the Gal to Gal Foundation, which provides funds for late-state breast cancer patients.

n Savethedateorginals.com will put your info on a magnet for guests to hang on the fridge. The more you get, the cheaper it is, about 50 cents a magnet.

n At invitationconsultants.com you can purchase scratch-off cards. Like a scratch ticket, guests have to scratch the card to get your wedding date. These are a lot more expensive and may not be worth the novelty; $90 for 25.

So, unless you’ve been under a rock – no pun on the diamond you’re wearing – you’ve probably heard about this bride who’s suing her florist over inferior flowers.

Now unless the flower is poisonous, and your maid of honor pricks her thumb on said flowers, keels over in the middle of your wedding ceremony, knocking over the officiant, who tips over the unity candle and sets the building on fire, I’m hard-pressed to see what about flowers is worth suing over.

So I started thinking about Brizezillas. That led to googling “bridezilla.” And that led me to a funky, offbeat Web site bridezilla.com. With some laughs, some pop culture and some fashion, beauty and etiquette tips for the big day. BrideZilla.com - check it out!

Don’t underestimate the wedding expo. Think of it as the mall of the wedding industry – all your shopping in one spot. Rather than darting all over town (or in the case of many brides, all over the state), you can breeze in, pick up literature and talk to representatives from various companies, all in one day.

Sometimes there is a small fee to attend, but I’m a lazy bride and willing to pay for convenience. Usually you can get free or 2-for-1 passes online before the expo.

This is an especially great tool if you’ve just gotten engaged. While I wouldn’t recommend signing contracts with vendors willy-nilly, the expo is a great opportunity to check out prices, options and quality. Being an informed shopper is key to keeping your wedding budget under control and still having a great wedding. So if you’ve got your car keys in hand and are waiting for me to tell you where the next expo is, take heed:

Let the groom have the day off: Many expos are huge bridal-fests. If your groom wants to stay at home and watch the game, make a deal that he’s off the hook if he promises to look through any brochures you deem of interest. Then, grab your mother or the maid of honor and some walking shoes and get going. If you have children, leave them home as well.

Go prepared: Bring a pen and paper to take notes, a bag to collect literature of interest (remember that deal you made) and pre-printed address labels. If you request more information from a vendor, likely you’ll be asked to fill out a card. Peel-and-stick is the way to go here. Also, take a bottle of water and chose clothing wisely. These events can entail long days spent on your feet. It’s best to be comfortable and hydrated.

Comparison shop: Vendors may try to pressure you into signing on the dotted line. Here’s another bonus to leaving your fiancé at home – tell the vendor you simply can’t make a decision without talking to your other half, take some literature and get on to the next booth. You may end up going with the vendor in question, but you shouldn’t feel pressured into making a decision on the spot. Setting your budget before you attend an expo can be a huge help here. If the price is out of your range, don’t waste your time or the vendor’s – move on.

Prioritize: Know what you need and how soon you need it. If you’ve already got a reception hall, you may want to get your invitations squared away. Or you may be ready to look for a dress. Maybe you’re newly engaged and just starting. While you want to look at everything, you may be most concerned with finding a reception site, so start there. Plan on visiting the least important booths at the end of the day. And go early. If you finish early, you can leave. It’s better than running through the expo indiscriminately grabbing brochures and filling out requests for information in the last hour. That’s how people end up with polka bands.

Okay, now you’ve got some tips, where can you put your strategy into action? Here are some of the events I’ve found in the area:

Sunday, Oct. 21, 2007

1-4 p.m.

Courtyard Marriott

700 Huse Road

Manchester, N. H.

Sunday, Oct. 21, 2007

Noon-4 p.m.

Castle in the Clouds

Route 171

Moultonborough, N.H.

Sunday, Nov. 4, 2007

1-5 p.m.

Church Landing at Mill Falls

312 Daniel Webster Way (Route 3)

Meredith, N.H.

Sunday, Nov. 11, 2007

Noon-3 p.m.

Alyson’s Orchard

57 Alyson’s Lane

Walpole, N.H.

Sunday, Nov. 18, 2007

11 a.m.-4 p.m.

Sheraton Colonial Hotel

1 Audubon Road

Wakefield, Mass.

Sunday, Nov. 18, 2007

11 a.m.-4 p.m.

The New MassMutual Center

1277 Main St.

Springfield, Mass.

Saturday, Jan. 5, 2008

11 a.m.-5 p.m.

Big E Fairgrounds

Young Building

West Springfield, Mass.

Saturday, Jan. 5, 2008

11 a.m.-4 p.m.

Royal Plaza Trade Center

181 Boston Post Road – Route 20

Marlborough, Mass.

Sunday, Jan. 6, 2008

11 a.m.-3 p.m.

Radisson Hotel (Center of New Hampshire)

750 Elm St.

Manchester, N.H.

I went to a party this weekend and ended up in the kitchen (where else?) talking with two women – one who had been married for more than 20 years and another who recently got married.

Over the finger foods, the older woman remembered the urgency she felt to get married . . . her husband proposed to her a mere three months after they met, and she planned her wedding in three days. “There was such an urgency to it,” she said. “Looking back now, I don’t know what the big deal was, but we just felt that we had to get married right away.”

The more recent bride, said she too, planned her wedding in a weekend. She and her husband were racing against time, hoping his terminally-ill mother would be able to attend their wedding, scheduled six months after the engagement. They lost the race, but the wedding memories are still wonderful, she said.

Yet here I sit, six months after my engagement, unable to book a reception hall. While every bride I’ve talked to had a picture of their wedding day in their head, I seemed to have wasted my time as a little girl playing Atari and wandering around the neighborhood engrossed in a rich fantasy life full of adventure, but not weddings.

Several times I have watched women exchange silent, skeptical looks, when I say I simply don’t know what I want. Read: “Does she really want to marry this guy? Her heart doesn’t seem in it.”

The thing is, I love Ed too much to get married just anywhere.

I believe there are contingents of women out there that simply haven’t figured out their wedding day yet. Not because we don’t love our fiancés, but because there are so many great ideas out there, it’s nearly impossible to settle on just one.

I do know what I want: I want to celebrate with an event that’s unusual and special. I want something memorable and fun. I want it to have the unmistakable stamp of Ed’s and my personalities. I just haven’t found that place yet.

Ed and I checked out another reception hall on Webster (Mass.) Lake last week. While the venue was beautiful, it looked like a place you would expect to attend a wedding reception. It was perfect. Too perfect. It lacked personality.

But I haven’t given up hope. Instead, I have found a great Web site – eventective.com. And advanced search option allows you to enter all your criteria – state, number of people, type of venue – and the site will list all of your options, complete with contact information.

So far, I’ve found a cruise company in Portland, Maine, that will ferry you out to a secluded island, where you can host a clambake. Now that has personality!

Ed and I spent Saturday looking at reception venues and asking for directions. We were in Boston, so finding the places took longer than actually viewing them.

First up was the Charles Riverboat Company, which promises to wine and dine 130 guests while cruising around Boston Harbor. Ed really loves this idea. My mother hates it. I’m a little nervous that we won’t be able to cut the guest list to 130 people, and I’ll end up inviting people, hoping they’ll say no because I have no room for them. But I am drawn to the idea of partying on a boat under the stars.

We did have some concerns that people who wanted to leave the reception would be stuck there, but Heather – our sales rep, who didn’t even yell when we showed up 20 minutes late – said the boat could schedule a stop halfway through the cruise.

Saturday was a warm, beautiful day, so I could absolutely see Ed and I getting married on a boat. It might have been different if it rained. However, Heather assured us the decks are heated and the boat is enclosed.

Next up was an American Legion Post along the Charles River. The river was beautiful, but I was less than impressed. The function room smelled of stale smoke and had low ceilings and no windows. The patio was also available, but trash was sitting along the edges and would have to be cleaned up. I really don’t want to pick up trash the day before my wedding. I can tell you right now, I’m not going to be in the mood.

We scratched this one off the list, but if you’re looking for a hall rental on the cheap, check out your local VFWs and American Legions; hall rentals are usually only a few hundred dollars. Some of them are quite nice, and I’ve been to some lovely weddings at these type of halls. One in Clinton, Mass., looks just like a hotel ballroom.

We never did go to the New England Aquarium. We planned to make an appointment, but a sales rep called back and told us the events team only met with people during business hours. As in Monday-Friday, 8 a.m. – 5 p.m. This sent up a red flag. That absolutely doesn’t fit in with our schedule, and if the facility can’t be accommodating when they’re trying to sell us on their venue, I don’t have high hopes for the future.

So Ed and I kicked around at the Museum of Science, which sits on the Charles River. By chance, we saw caterers setting up for an event, so we asked to take a look. Wow. There is an outside venue for 200 people right on the Charles River. Ed and I can get married right there at sunset, and then move into the tent for our reception. It looked absolutely beautiful, and the catering was by Wolfgang Puck’s restaurant. Even better, guests can also look at the exhibits during the reception, which make it a great place to have a wedding where lots of children are involved. I’ve already e-mailed the museum for a price list.

If you’re looking for something different in the way of receptions, check your local museum. I’ve come across fine art museums, photography museums and science museums; if you have a special interest, chances are there’s a museum that will hold your reception.

Also, check out the story on our Web site about farm dinners. It ran Oct. 2. I don’t know if it’s possible for weddings, but some companies specialize in creating gourmet, outdoor dinners on a local farm using local produce. While the idea is to bring the freshest food possible to diners and raise awareness about where our food comes from – often a local farmer gives a presentation – I think this would make a great, casual wedding.

Right now, I can’t seem to narrow it down to a favorite. I’ve cut a couple of places from my list of possibles, but I think picking the final facility is going to be toughie.