A South African couple recently spent their honeymoon in court, I read in a news story on the Internet.

Their crime? Throwing a wedding they couldn’t afford. Then, skipping out on the wedding bills.

As I get further into this wedding, I realized, I really don’t have a handle on what I’m spending. Not that I’ve actually spent anything yet, except my time. But still ….

If you’re going to plan a wedding it’s a good idea to have a budget beforehand. It will help keep your spending in line. It’s easy to see how a wedding can balloon up to the American average of $28,000. It’s also easy to see how many couples can spend the next five years paying off a wedding that costs that much.

I’ve worked up a sample budget. I’m trying to think of this as a checking account; it’s a finite amount and if I want to spend more here, I have to spend less there. So this is what I have so far:

I’m shooting for 200 people and $10,000.  I have one friend who spent about $6,000 on her entire wedding. She opted to rent a VFW hall and have the event catered, a move that is often more cost-effective than the typical all-in-one function hall.

With 200 people, I’m looking at about $35 a head. I’m willing to spend more money on a meal, since many people feel cheated if they go to a wedding and the food is terrible. Ask someone how a wedding they attended was, and they’ll tell you about the food.

That’s my limit. I plan on a casual wedding, so if bridal attire costs more than that, the dress is too fancy for the wedding. I’m hoping that this will be an area to cut.

Flowers - $500

I also plan on keeping flowers simple. We’re looking at a beach or country wedding, and I’m picturing sea grass and a lot of natural beauty. I think I’ll keep bouquets small and simple.

A good DJ is essential to a good party, so I’m definitely willing to pay a little more for a good DJ. I’m also looking for a photographer that can get good candid shots of the wedding, rather than the boring, posed pictures will provide me with no end of blackmail opportunities. I think I’ll have to shop around before I can set a price.

Since I’m planning on serving the cake for dessert, I want a rich cheesecake (oh, yes … I’m sparing no expense on the dessert) that can feed 200 people.

I’m actually not planning on giving favors. No one really uses them, so Ed and I are going to make a charitable donation. Often, a charity will send cards to be placed at each guest’s seat, acknowledging the donation. I can even double the cards as a seating placement.

Ed and I actually bought our wedding rings two years ago. We’ve been holding on to them ever since.

So right now it looks like I’m at $9,700 so far and I don’t have a DJ or a photographer. Hmmmm … if anyone out there has a suggestion for cutting costs, or remembers a critical wedding component I’ve forgotten, post a note. If any brides out there have come across a great place to get a dress, flowers, etc. or worked with someone they’ve really liked, share the wealth of info.

I read an article recently that Couples Resorts are offering wedding podcasts at their Jamaica location. That way, if friends and family can’t go to Jamaica, they can at least  go online and watch you exchange vows with your significant other. 

Destination weddings are certainly an option for those seeking a romantic location and a small wedding with a built in honeymoon.

The upside includes a small, cost-effective wedding (usually, you can find an all-inclusive package deal that won’t contain unpleasant post-wedding surprises); you can choose an exotic, once-in-a-lifetime location; they’re virtually stress-free since on-site coordinators handle most of the planning; they’re casual and fun (one friend got married in Hawaii and went snorkeling on her wedding day) and they’re virtually free of family politics, since mothers and mothers-in-law won’t pop down to Bermuda to berate your choice of reception hall. 

However, there are some downsides. While some resorts may be offering the podcast, many of your family and friends will not be able to attend your wedding. Those that do, will be staying for the duration of your honeymoon. 

If you decide a destination wedding is right for you, make sure you know what you’re getting. Research your options and ask lots of questions, including: 

- What is included with the wedding? What costs extra?

- Do you have a dedicated wedding planner? Does that cost extra?- Is music provided?

- Will someone be available to iron my wedding dress?

- Do you provide flowers? Photography? Wedding cake? Music?

- How many guests are allowed for the package price? What’s the cost of exceeding the number of guests?

- What options are available if it rains?

- Can wedding guests get a discount on the room?

- Is a honeymoon suite included?

- Can you provide a minister of a specific faith or a religion-free ceremony?

- How much of a down payment is needed to reserve the wedding?

- What is your cancellation policy?

- What are the marriage laws of your country? 

Remember, get your agreement in writing!

Planning a wedding can be a nightmare.

There’s the one where I am married, turn to kiss the groom and find I’ve married the wrong man. (Even worse, it’s my ex-boyfriend).

Then, there’s the one where Ed doesn’t show up and I’m forced to pull a random man out of the crowd to marry.

Then there’s the one where my wedding gown is tucked into the back of my wedding dress.

It goes on and on….

I keep telling myself not to stress about the wedding. As long as the marriage is good, what’s one day, right?

Unfortunately, that’s not what everyone else keeps telling me.

It’s the one rule that no one tells little girls who dress their Barbie dolls in white and have make-believe weddings: Somewhere, Barbie’s mother, mother-in-law, best friend, or, more likely, all three, are telling her she picked the wrong dress, no one really likes the cheese and fruit plate and it’s too bad the really nice reception hall was already booked.

Like the other day, I was shopping for a completely unrelated item with my mother at the Wrentham, Mass., outlets and I saw a dress. Sweet. Simple. Elegant. A definite maybe. I’m not ready to rush out and buy yet, but I’m filing ideas away for the future. (Yes, I’m still stuck in reception hall mode.)

My mother looked at the dress, wrinkled her nose, and said, “Oh you want it short. But,” she added, helpfully, “Maybe it won’t be that short on you. You’re much shorter than that dummy.”

Oy vey.

Then there’s the reaction of Ed’s family. Since Ed has been divorced once, no matter how much they like me, Ed’s family isn’t ready to trust that he’s going to be the best judge of who he should marry. In fact, his mother advised him to play it safe.

“You don’t have to marry her,” his mother told him. “You could just live with her forever.”

Oy vey.

Always have your wedding in the back of your mind.

I know, I know. Right now you’re staring at your computer, wondering how I could possibly think you’d forget about it; you’re eating, breathing and dreaming wedding. But sometimes you can find wonderful wedding ideas where you least expect them.

This weekend I went to Hampton Beach with a friend and ended up at a little Irish pub on Ocean Ave. called McGuirk’s. The band was a duo, the bar was packed and my friend and I just stopped in for a “quick drink.”

The next thing I knew, I was playing a tambourine to “Sweet Home Alabama,” and it was approaching 1 a.m. The band – just two guys playing guitar – brought a bongo drum, a tambourine and maracas, which they left out for the audience to play. Slowly but surely, members of the audience took their turn at being a rock star.

They played old favorites that the crowd couldn’t help but groove to; encouraged conga lines boogieing around the bar and sent up a round of cheers for the waitstaff. There’s nothing like a few bongo drums to get patrons on a first-name basis.

Even though I was on vacation (and really not thinking about planning a wedding), I took a moment and asked for a card from one of the guys. He said the full band runs to five pieces, and they’ve been known to do the odd wedding. Apparently, Friday nights at McGuirk’s are just a side gig. But I got the band’s Web site and I plan to go back with Ed so he can cha-cha around the bar.

I thought I had wanted a DJ. But this band really got the crowd up and moving and having fun. Above all, I want my wedding to be fun. It would certainly be a day to remember if I saw my 60-year-old Aunt Margaret playing the maracas, her trademark cigarette hanging out of the corner of her mouth and her Canadian Club on the rocks accompanying her on the bongos.

As my friend said: “If you got these guys, you’d top the weddings I’ve been too.”

Unless you have something definitively booked with a nonrefundable deposit equal to a mortgage payment, always keep your mind, eyes and ears open. You never know when you’ll run across something that will make your wedding extra-special. Even if it’s not exactly what you had in mind. Sometimes the unexpected is the most fun.

Raise your glass for a "social drink." Here's to getting the chance to play the bongos at your wedding.