One of The Telegraph’s sports interns, Eric, recently proposed to his girlfriend of 3½ years, Danielle. Needless to say, I jumped on the chance to get a guy’s perspective about the wedding.

 

While I can’t pretend that Eric speaks for all men, or really, any man other than himself, he surprised me with how enthusiastic he was about the wedding and the proposal.

 

“I was really excited,” he told me. And he spent a lot of time planning the proposal, going so far as to call his fiancée’s boss and take the day off for her, booking a Maine “weekend” away in the middle of the week and proposing on the beach.

 

In talking with Eric, he said a couple of things that I thought was worth keeping in mind:

 

n Eric proposed “because I love her.”

And chances are that’s why your guy proposed too. When things get stressed, don’t lose sight of why you’re getting married in the first place. If possible, try to plan a date night once every couple of weeks and don’t talk about the wedding.

 

n “She let out the loudest scream ever.”

It takes a lot of thought to put together a memorable proposal. Eric spent three days trying to think of the perfect way to ask his fiancée to become his bride. I know Ed held on to my engagement necklace (I opted out on the ring) for two weeks, waiting for the perfect moment. Another man I know spent months planning a trip to Las Vegas to surprise his girlfriend with a ring. When you’re thinking about throwing both the lavender and the purple swatches at your guy’s head, remember that chances are he put a lot of time and effort into asking you to be his wife.

 

n “I feel like I asked her and the next day it’s getting planned.”

Whether you’re having 50 guests or 200, a wedding is overwhelming. You’ve spent a long time dating, then, suddenly, you’re planning a wedding. Your fiancé may not have expected the action to begin quite so soon. If he needs a moment to breathe, let him have it. There are plenty of things you can begin planning, like your own wedding attire, without him.

 

n  “I think a woman has been waiting (for her wedding) her entire life”

According to Eric, the one thing he wants more than anything is “her being happy.” He believes his fiancée has been thinking about her wedding day since she was a little girl, and he wants her to have exactly what she wants. So if you’re guy seems unwilling to make decisions, believe it or not, he may just be trying to be thoughtful. I finally had to explain to Ed that I hadn’t been dreaming about my wedding day since I was in diapers and knowing that he was getting some of what he wanted makes me happy.

 

n Details are a “girl’s thing.”

Whether we like it or not, brides are pegged as really caring about what color the napkins are while the grooms could care less. Don’t try to fight it. If you really do care, great, take all those details and go to town because you will very likely have total control over them. If it really doesn’t matter much to you either, it’s not worth stressing over.

 

n “Just be patient and communicate. Just get what you both want out there.”

Enough said.

 

A co-worker recently sent me an article that talks about the “wedding industrial complex.”

 

In essence, brides, Big Brother is brainwashing you to spend more money, to consider this the biggest day of your life and to go all “Bridezilla” as you’re convinced you need to spend $28,000 – the cost of the average American wedding – to have the day of your dreams.

 

I will say up front that I have no intention of frittering away what could someday be a down payment on a house on my wedding. Hopefully family and friends, not frippery, will make my wedding day special.

 

That said, I'm ashamed to say had my first “Bridezilla” moment last week.

 

It’s hard not to feel like a Big Stupid Girl when you’re planning a wedding. There are the stereotypes, the jokes, the movies all aimed at women who are planning a wedding. It also didn’t help when Ed told me, “I’m a guy; this isn’t my thing.”

 

Translation: This is a stupid girl thing.

 

As we have looked at reception sites, I keep searching for signs that Ed might show a glimmer of enthusiasm, a flicker of interest, a sign that he’s coming out of the coma. So far, we’ve checked out two venues.

 

We looked at an amazing Victorian Inn on Cape Cod, right across the street from the beach. You can get married on the beach and then walk across the street for a full sit-down dinner, dancing and general carousing.

 

The atmosphere at the inn offered up a casual beach wedding, and I fell in love with it on the spot. They had Christmas light on the porch in July! I was sold. But we still have places to look at in Maine, Boston and central Massachusetts, so I agreed to keep an open mind.

 

Our next stop was in York Beach, Maine, where we found a place that will do an informal clambake, complete with chowder, steamers and lobster. Ed loved it. Even more, he loved engaging in a conversation with the restaurant owner – male – about how weddings are really the bride’s domain.

 

“Just nod and say, ‘Yup that sounds good, honey,’” the owner said to my fiancé. “Don’t ever say ‘I don’t care. That’s the one that will get you in trouble.’” Then they shared a hearty laugh while I sat there feeling like, you guessed it, a Big Stupid Girl. I half thought someone was going to accuse me of having cooties.

 

So here comes my Bridezilla moment.

 

Within two day, I had a meltdown on Ed, accusing him of not caring about our wedding day. The day we would begin our life as husband and wife. I’m sure you can sense the drama.

 

Needless to say, he responded in kind and we spend a good couple of days giving each other the cold shoulder.

 

All this brought on by a joke made by a guy who’s just part of that wedding industrial complex. Just trying to sell me on the wedding while making sure Ed didn’t feel like a Big Stupid Fiancé.

 

And that article I read? They were trying to sell brides a book on how to avoid getting caught up in that wedding industrial complex.

 

Sometimes, you just have to keep everything in perspective.

Ed and I have started looking at reception sites.

 

If I were writing a book, I would tell you that Ed and I tiptoed through the daffodils all the way to the most beautiful – and reasonably priced – reception site, which we fell in love with at first sight. Cheerfully, we booked the date and began planning the party of the century.

 

Yeah, right.

 

There’s so much to do and it all seems to need to be done at once. Every place we look at wants to know when we want to get married and how many people we’re having. My mother told me to plan the guest list first, and then search for a venue. A friend suggested I pick the date, and then plan a themed wedding (for example, a fall wedding in October, etc.) Ed and I, meanwhile, are sort of hoping it just all comes together.

 

We started preliminary work on a guest list and came up with 200 people. I mean, who really knows 200 people? So, for the right venue, I will mercilessly drop Aunt Dot from the guest list and not look back.

 

It’s the same with the date. If we get married on the beach, we’ll obviously choose a warmer month. If we decide to escape to the Vermont mountains, snow will set the scene nicely.

 

One of my friends, who got married three years ago, had some great advice: Each of you picks one thing that’s really important to you and makes that a priority.

 

Since Ed and I agree that having a great party is at the top of the list (I initially chose having him show up as a top priority, but he assured me I had no worries), we’re going to let the reception dictate the guest list and the wedding date. We roughed out an informal list to give us an idea of how big the place needs to be, but we both agree we can cut some for the right place. For example, we can whittle the list down to 150, but are avoiding a great-looking jazz club in Boston than can only accommodate 80.

 

But with 200 people on the guest list, we also have to be reasonable about price. I’ve discovered most places that host weddings will make their menus and price available on the Internet. So that’s been my first order of business – to research my options and call my favorites. Thus far, I’ve gotten about 50 brochures in the mail.

 

A warning to brides out there: Once you start looking on bridal Web sites and calling reception hall a flurry of junk mail will arrive at your door. And all of it’s wedding related. Be prepared.

I said yes to Ed’s proposal on March 24, 2007, in front of the Bean in Chicago’s Millennium Park.

What I should have said was, “Let’s elope.”


 

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