So, it’s that time of year again. You’re making the rounds of holiday parties and family gatherings and you’re doing it dateless. How do you respond to that inevitable question?

You know the one I’m talking about. "Why are you still single?" You might also hear it in non-question form, as in, "Ohhh, I’m so sorry you haven’t found someone!"

Myself and my coworkers here in the newsroom put our heads together and came up with a slew of retorts, quips, and comebacks, all of which have been sorted into handy little categories for your ease of use.

Class is now in session.

Category 1: Only To Be Used If You Really Dislike The Person Asking The Question And Don’t Mind Killing Your Friendship (i.e., Don’t Use These On Grandma) 

- "Well, if my standards were as low as yours, it would probably be a lot easier."

- "Well, I’m sorry you haven’t broken your hip yet. All your friends have broken their hips. What are you waiting for? Are you too good to break your hip?" 

- "How come it’s always the people with the worst relationships who want to see you hooked up? I’m guessing it’s because it kills them to see that opting for the single, childless life is pretty good."

- "Unlike some people, I don’t resort to mind control drugs."

Category 2: Remind Them Of Their Manners

- "I’m baffled that you would actually have the nerve to say that at all." (To be used when people extend their condolences for your singleness) 

Category 3: Catch Them Off Guard And Stop Them Cold 

- "Shut up."

Category 4: Put A Humorous Spin On The Situation 

- "Really? I’m not." (Sorry to be single, that is.)

- "My invisible boyfriend keeps me company." (In fact, he’s standing right behind you and commenting on how tacky your tablecloth is.)

- "Mom? Is that you?"

- "I just can’t seem to narrow it down."

- "I thought I had a shot with Jodie Foster, but I guess we’ll just be friends."

Category 5: Blame Your Pet

- "I did find someone, but my cat didn’t like him."

- "I’m not single, I live with a young Siamese female." (The originator of this quote owned a seal point Siamese cat at the time.)

Category 6: Make A Joke With A Fishing Reference

- "There’s been plenty of nibbles, but no keepers."

- "You should’ve seen the one that got away."

Category 7: Stun Them With Your Suaveness 

- "What are you doing Friday night?" (Feel free to add "Baby" should the situation call for it.)

Category 8: Bending The Truth Can Be Fun

- "I’m sorry, but I can’t answer that question." When they ask why, because you know they will, get really upset. "Thanks a lot! What are you trying to do, blow my cover? I’m a plainclothes nun, you jerk! Thanks for nothing! Thanks a lot! The Vatican is *so* coming after you!"

- "I do have a boyfriend, actually. He’s sorry he couldn’t make it, but he and the band are on a European tour right now and you know how he hates to disappoint the fans. He did send this fruitcake, though."

Category 9: Feign Confusion While Asserting Your Intelligence

- "What? But I’ve never been single. I’ve been a multi-celled organism all my life." 

Category 10: Decline All Sympathy Because It Is Not Needed

- "What are you sorry about? I’m single, not widowed! I haven’t lost the love of my life, I just haven’t found him yet."

Good luck, you guys. We’ll be rooting for you.

Got any other good answers to "The Question"? Add them in the comments below.