Uh-oh. It's the first Thanksgiving you'll be doing the cooking, and you have no idea where to start. Turkey? Stuffing? Pies? Your recipe box is useless when it comes to non-pasta-based meals. Don't panic - the Pop Diner is here for you.

First, we have some recipes from Cathleen's Kitchen. Her recipe for roast turkey contains a handy little chart that shows you how long you should cook your particular size of turkey. And the Super Easy Pumpkin Casserole? It's so easy that I, the girl who has to be told to take the plastic wrap off the quiche before heating it in the oven, could make it, probably.

Are you tired of listening to Aunt Mabel complain about her ever-expanding waistline as she works her way through yet another drumstick and a double helping of stuffing? Check out the Weight Watchers website for low-fat, low-calorie, high-flavor recipes to bring to the table.

Maybe you'll be cooking for someone with more serious health issues. You'll find a slew of diabetic recipes here (including turkey and desserts), and oodles of low cholesterol recipes here.

Looking for vegetarian options, but not sold on the idea of Tofurky? Try FabulousFoods.com - they have a vegetarian gravy recipe, too. A lot of these recipes will appeal to the carnivores at your table as well, like the double cheese potato tart. Yum. They even have a comprehensive Thanksgiving guide - everything from taking pictures like a professional to how to deep fry a turkey.

And although it may seem like Thanksgiving sacrilege, there are other desserts out there besides pumpkin pie. Try Insert-Your-Choice-Of-Fruit-Here Shortbread Parfaits, Cherry Dessert, Simple Chocolate Cake, or if you have a little more time on your hands, the Pumpkin Cake Roll.

"But Teresa!" you cry. "Even with the aid of all these handy-dandy recipes and the magic of the Internet, I still can't make a passable Thanksgiving meal without calling Boston Market!"

Then do what my family does: make your terrible cooking skills a family tradition.

My older younger brother and I have been in charge of making the pumpkin pies since we were old enough to hold spoons. Dad thought it would be nice for us to feel involved with the Thanksgiving meal preparations and hey, it was a simple, easy-to-follow recipe. How could we possibly mess up, especially with our parents helping us?

He forgot to take into account how creative we are when it comes to making mistakes. We've done it all - eggshell bits accidentally dropped in the batter, too much milk, too little milk, burnt crusts, too many cloves (that was a particularly flavorful pie, I can tell you). We don't do it on purpose or anything - we just possess a very special brand of culinary idiocy.

This has become the highlight of our family's Thanksgiving: "How will Teresa and Mark unintentionally screw up the pies this year?" We always buy extra whipped topping, just in case.

Last year, we were so excited - we finally got the recipe right. It might have taken almost two decades, but we did it.

Then Mom took a close look at the recipe:

"Uh, you guys realize you're supposed to use evaporated milk, right? Not sweetened condensed milk."

"Huh? But that's what Dad always put out for us! We never really paid attention to the recipe!"

Dad said he substituted the sweetened condensed milk because it made the pies sweeter, but man. We were heartbroken. Even when we got the recipe right, it still wasn't the way it was supposed to be.

Maybe I should just make a little correction in the cookbook - replace "evaporated milk" with "sweetened condensed milk" and add something like, "If pie does not taste slightly suspicious, it has not been made properly. Next time, use less milk or more eggshells."

It wouldn't be cheating, per se. After so many years of smacking into it headfirst, we'd just be lowering the culinary bar enough so we actually have a chance of clearing it.