My eyes don’t focus so well in the mornings (let alone my brain), so I’ve been toying with the idea of getting the Bible on CD so I can listen to it in the car on the way to work instead of trying to read it when I first wake up.

Unfortunately, I need something lively, bouncy, even, to keep me sharp and focused while I’m driving. The sonorous tones of James Earl Jones toiling through the King James Version are not gonna cut it for me.

For a while, it looked like there were only two options:

1) Drive to work while listening to a boringly-read Bible CD and be spiritually strengthened for the day, but run the risk of waking up with the car half over a median.

2) Keep the car on the road to the tune of such classics as "Hadashi no Cinderella Boy" and "Fever to Future," but miss out on the spiritual equivalent of breakfast.

And then, a miracle happened. One of my favorite American voice actors recorded the Gospel of John in my favorite Bible translation, and a friend of a friend of a friend was kind enough to send it my way.

I tell you, you have not truly experienced the Bible until you’ve heard Vic Mignogna do the Pharisee voice.

I’ll admit it, I’m usually a purist when it comes to anime. I like to watch it in the original Japanese with subtitles. No dubbing for me, thank you very much. American voice actors tend to be flat and emotionless, plus they mispronounce all the characters’ (Japanese) names.

And then, I rented Saiyuki. My apologies to the Land of the Rising Sun, but the original Japanese voice actors were terrible. I was ready to chalk the series up as a loss, but then, on a whim, I decided to listen to the English dub, which was produced by ADV Films and featured Vic Mignogna as Kougaiji, along with David Matranga as Genjo Sanzo, Greg Ayres as Son Goku, Illich Guardiola as Sha Gojyo, and Hilary Haag as Lirin.

The next week, I was back at The Comic Store, asking why they only had four DVDs out of the entire Saiyuki series.

Since then, no matter how much I enjoyed the original Japanese, whenever I pick up an anime that’s been released by ADV Films (and especially if it has any of the aforementioned voice actors attached to it), I always listen to the English dub too.

When I watched D.N.Angel, I barely even bothered with the original Japanese. Go ahead - you can take away whatever Japanese pop culture street cred I might’ve had.

And now, Vic Mignogna’s talented, expressive voice is reading The Message translation of the Gospel of John. The Message is hands-down my favorite Bible translation because it puts God’s Word into plain, easy to understand English.

Reading The Message after reading one of the more flowery translations is not unlike being hit upside the head with a brick - things are suddenly a lot clearer and because of that, you might need a lie-down.

I’ll use one of my favorite verses to illustrate - James 1:5-8. Here it is in the King James Version:

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways."

Teresa at 7:30 a.m. on Route 3A South: Huh? "Upbraideth?" But my hair’s too short to wear up in braids. Does God want me to grow it out?  

And here’s The Message translation:

"If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who ‘worry their prayers’ are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open."

Teresa at 7:30 a.m. on Route 3A South: Excellent! In that case, God, please help me with this lane change, ’cause I’m going in!

The Message is very clear, very straightforward, and that’s exactly what I need first thing in the morning.

And because Vic Mignogna is a voice actor, he doesn’t just *read* the Gospel of John. He acts it out, but in a way that doesn’t distract you from what you’re hearing.

If you tune out for a moment because you just got cut off by a tractor trailer and are trying to remember how to breathe, you can tell who’s speaking based on the voice Vic is using. There’s no way you’re going to confuse Jesus with one of the Pharisees.

The only downside I’ve discovered to this new addition to my morning commute is that it’s kind of playing havoc with my mental picture of Jesus.

In my mind’s eye, God looks like the little plastic Noah from the Noah’s ark playset I had as a kid, green robe and all. Thanks to our family’s collection of illustrated Bible stories, Jesus looks like a shepherd, which is rather befitting since he does refer to himself as The Good Shepherd.

Now, Jesus is starting to look a little like Dark Mousy, Vic’s character from D.N.Angel, because that’s who Jesus’ voice sounds like.

Oh well. As long as Jesus doesn’t start looking like Ikkaku, Vic’s character in Bleach, I think I’ll be OK.