After buying a Wii for my oldest younger brother last year for Christmas and discovering how much fun it was, my parents decided to buy one this year for the whole family. As a bonus, they picked up DDR Hottest Party and a DDR pad for yours truly. I was completely surprised, having long since forgotten our last visit to Gamestop, which I spent gazing at the different DDR games with dorky longing and wishing we had a console that would play them.

DDR (short for Dance Dance Revolution) is quite possibly the most addicting game ever. It also gave me my second most favoritest Christmas present - a weight loss of almost three pounds during Christmas week. DDR is so much more fun than the treadmill.

For those of you who have never played DDR, it works like so. First, you plug the large plastic mat into the video game system. This mat has four large arrows on it (up, right, down, left) arranged like a compass rose. You put in your DDR game and select a song to dance to. As the song plays, arrows flash across the screen in time to the music. Your job: to step on the corresponding arrows on the pad as they pass over the clear arrows at the top of the screen.

The concept is simple. The execution, not so much. Here are your arrows. Prepare!

Any song can be done on Beginner, Basic, Difficult, or Expert. This was Expert, by the way, so don’t panic. And the Wii makes it extra fun because it throws in hand motions (represented by diamonds instead of arrows), which you do while holding the regular controller in one hand and the nunchuk controller in the other.

Coordination, timing, balance - all are key. Although I am improving, executing a routine on Basic without almost staggering off the mat is still beyond me. And I have the maddest DDR skills in the family - my youngest brother once managed to clock himself on a pot lid that my mother was holding as she stood in the middle of the kitchen. It’s only a matter of time before one of us falls headlong into the TV set.

Endurance is also a big part of DDR. I’m seriously considering buying a home defibrillator. It’s an addictive game and I’ve never been the most active person. I played for most of the day on Christmas Day and could not move the day after.I can see my death certificate now - Cause of Death: DDR-induced coma.

The game can be played in several different modes. There’s Free Play, which lets you play about 25 different songs at all different levels. There’s also Work Out Mode, which lets you track how many calories you’ve burned while playing. And then there is my nemesis, Groove Circuit Mode.

In Groove Circuit Mode, you visit different venues and complete various challenges to unlock more songs and more cool backgrounds for you to dance in front of. The challenges get progressively harder and I have been banging my head against a proverbial wall for about two weeks now.

The name of this wall is "Love Shine", which I need to complete on Basic with a combo score of 30 or higher, which means hitting at least 30 moves in a row without missing. Oh, and did I mention that I have to beat the Venue Master’s score? And the Venue Master is danced by the game itself.

Now, when it comes to beating tricky songs, my family uses three approaches. Two of these do not work for us but may work for people who are more coordinated.

Approach #1: One person stands on the pad and does the feet. Another person stands nearby and does the hand movements with the nunchuk controllers. This can lead to The Foot Person getting punched in the head and The Hand Person getting kicked in retaliation.

Approach #2: See above. But instead of there only being one person on the pad, there are two because Little Sister didn’t want to be left out. So The Hand Person does the hands, The Foot Person does the up, left, and right arrows, and Little Sister does the down arrow.

Unfortunately, if you’re used to doing the down arrow, it’s very hard to skip it and let someone else do it. This is how my mother almost squashed my little sister. I sometimes joke with my parents that they promised I could be an only child, a promise which they then proceeded to break three times over. DDR, however, may end up holding them to it.

Approach #3: Practice, practice, practice. Until you close your eyes to go to sleep and see little arrows flashing against the darkness. Then, practice some more. 

Approach #3 seems to be working the best so far. My scores are getting higher, but it’ll probably be a while before I’m able to defeat The Nefarious Love Shine.

The day I do execute that winning routine, it will look something like this. Except more awkward and without the fun little turn and with a lot of screaming and shouting at the end.

Maybe the tail is what I’m missing. You know, in addition to coordination, balance, timing, and endurance. I also like those pants. But tails are supposed to help with balance, aren’t they? Hmmm.

New idea. If "Love Shine" does not succumb to my Mad DDR Skills in the next two weeks, I’m putting the kitty on the pad and seeing how she does, because she has a tail *and* she has four legs. For all I know, she plays every night after I’ve gone to bed anyway, which would explain why she sleeps all day long and limps when she’s going up the stairs.

So it’s decided, then. The Venue Master will be defeated, either by me or by my cat.

Shive and quake, "Love Shine"! Shiver and quake in terror at your impending doom!

I’ll let you know how it goes. If I end up in the hospital with shards of glass from my TV screen lodged in my forehead, please feel free to send flowers.