It’s non-existent. 

Wow!  Short article!    

So.

I’ve been thinking about dating lately.  (Yes, let’s say “dating,” since this is a family newspaper. HA!)  I’m in such a quandary about it, though, I am paralyzed into inaction.  There are so many things for me to consider before re-entering the dating pool, I can’t even dip my toe in without freaking out.  I get as far as doing the free search on match.com (motto:  “It’s OK to look”); when I actually find a profile that piques my interest (and at last fishing expedition, it was a whopping total of three – out of 100 profiles) and am prompted to “take the next step and set up a profile,” I shut down the page faster than if it was porn and my mom was coming into the room.  I justify this reaction with “well, most of these guys list ‘sarcasm’ as a turn-off, so clearly…”  And don’t get me started on the “desired body type” requirements of the average male.

(By the way, if you ARE looking, check out the Telegraph's own personal ads in the Encore section...)

I did, in one incendiary moment, sign up for chemistry.com months ago – solely because the questionnaire was so darn fun.  And, by the way, long before the (validating) commercials about it, I too was rejected by e-Harmony after taking the LSAT they call their questionnaire.  It took longer than some dates I’ve been on.

But the next day, when chemistry.com sent me five matches in my area – and two men that had read my profile and wanted to meet me – I took my page down.  Ack!  I felt exposed, terrified.  I just wanted to look!  I wanted to see who might be out there eventually!  What do you mean, they want to meet me now?

I wasn’t always like this.

But now I’m a mother (whereas before, I was just a ‘mutha’).  Now I have to screen potential dates through a whole different set of criteria.  I can’t just consider my own druthers (“he’s a smart, funny, witty, sexy musician that cooks!”); now I have to extrapolate out much further than a few dates down the road.  Is this someone I could see myself dating for more than a few months?  Is he good and kind around children?  Is he too much of a child himself, instead of a responsible adult?  (This tends to go with the ‘musician’ portion of our program.)  Would I want this person to meet my daughter?  And of course, even further out from there, to the whole life-sharing thing – the prospect of which makes me clench up several areas of my body, and not in a good way.

When I had my baby, I made a commitment to her: that I would devote the rest of my life to her, and make her my number-one priority and focus.  As she should be.  I told my friends that I was not going to date ever again –  that I’d had over twenty years of dating, and that I could and should focus all that passion and intensity on raising a happy, healthy child.

Well, yeah.  But…

As the years of my born-again virginity start to pile up, however, I have to cop to the fact that in order to be a great mom, I also have to be a happy person myself.  And while I’m still reticent about committing myself to an online dating profile, much less a full-blown relationship, well… maybe I’d be willing to go out for sushi or a hike with someone of the opposite sex.

Who doesn’t mind sarcasm...