– and you thought it was all ridicule and condemnation!

Since my daughter has been born – in truth, since I learned I was pregnant – I have been stricken several times with a crippling thought: I am responsible for another human being, for the rest of my life. This is a concept that often stunned me into heart palpitations and paralysis.

In the first months of her life, my baby would look up at me and I would think “I have made a lifelong commitment to this person. What the heck was I thinking?” I’m not so good with the lifelong commitments. Ask my ex. Or my other ex. Or my… well, you get the picture.

 The thing about being a parent, to me, was always this fear of commitment. If you hate your job, you can quit. If you hate your spouse, you can get a divorce. You can change your home, your friends, your appearance. But once you have a kid, well, there’s no return policy, is there? Then one day, as I was pondering the terrifying notion that “I am solely responsible for this baby,” it hit me: I am solely responsible for this baby.

 I. Am. In. Charge.

There it was: the surprising up-side to being a single parent. My control-freak side would have free rein over all the parenting decisions. I would not have to suffer the infinite arguments my friends have with their husband, baby-daddy, life-partner, mother-in-law, etc., over how to raise my child. MY child. My decisions. My judgment. My choices.

Suddenly, things were looking up. It’s funny how my biggest fear suddenly became a hugely calming fact in my brain. Knowing that I was officially “an adult,” in charge of taking care of myself and my baby – my own little self-created family – was greatly empowering to me. I was the head of a household. I even filed my taxes in a new way.

Being single, I also didn’t have the stress of trying to maintain an intimate relationship. It might have been great to have a man around to help me in those first six weeks of motherhood; but in reality, I know from most of my friends that having him around usually means one more person to take care of, and/or who feels neglected. As one of them put it, “face it – ALL women are single mothers!” I barely had the energy to take care of myself (weekly showers, anyone?), after tending to the baby’s needs. I can’t imagine having to be a loving spouse at the same time. Kudos to all of the women that actually manage to do it.

I am fully the master – make that, mistress – of my own destiny, and that of my child. I decide her religious education; I instill her moral guidelines and values; I establish her schedule, eating habits and behavior. I get to choose where I live (no arguments about relocation and who’s giving up their job to follow whom), when and where my child will go to school, how much or how little I will work outside the home. I have no one to answer to on how or when I spend my money. I am strong, I am invincible. I am (single) woman!

And yes, I know that many women don’t have all these options. I am luckier than most. But rather than dwell on the negatives of single parenthood, I am choosing to focus on the positives. There are plenty of people, articles and establishments that will drill into your brain all the things that are wrong with being a single mom. Not so much harassment for the single dad, though; they’re usually seen as heroes for ‘stepping up’ – basically for doing what women have been doing all along. But I won’t jump on that soapbox today.

Suffice it to say that I am a lot happier as a single mother than I expected to be. As I’ve settled into it, and begun to plan and strategize for our future, I have become optimistic and excited about the journey the two of us will be taking together. I look forward to being a positive, powerful role model for my daughter. I hope to show her that women can be independent, strong, capable and successful. And happy.

Next time: Baby con Leche